Redefining Ego: The Holy Art of Knowing Your Worth

Let’s get this out of the way early:

Ego isn’t the enemy.The unchecked ego? Sure, that can do damage.But having an ego—that is, a clear, embodied sense of self—isn’t sinful.It’s spiritual.

And frankly, in a world that profits off your insecurity and silence, having a healthy ego is an act of resistance.

Where Theology Got It Twisted

Church folks love to quote Jesus about humility:

“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12)

But let’s be honest: a lot of churches use this verse to keep people small, silent, and subservient.Especially people like us—queer, disabled, marginalized, too loud, too soft, too "other."

That verse wasn’t a call to self-erasure.It was a warning against spiritual arrogance.There’s a big difference between humility and humiliation.

What Ego Really Means

Ego isn’t narcissism.It’s your sacred “I am.”It’s the part of you that says:

• I will not tolerate disrespect in the name of patience.

• I will not apologize for having standards.

• I will not keep shrinking so other people feel more comfortable.

This isn’t pride. This is boundaried clarity.This is the kind of clarity Jesus himself modeled when he flipped tables, walked away from toxic people, and said “no” just as often as he said “come.”

So let's get this straight:

A Christ-like ego knows who it is, knows what it’s not, and doesn’t perform for approval.

When They Call You "Too Much"

Too confident?Too sensitive?Too assertive?Too sparkly for their beige theology?

Let them call it ego.You know what it actually is?

• Spiritual authority

• Hard-won discernment

• Survivor wisdom

• Calling with a spine

You are not too much.You’re just not for people who live in emotional minimalism.

What the Gospel Actually Teaches

Jesus never said “be invisible.”He said: “You are the light of the world. Don’t put it under a basket.” (Matthew 5:14–16)

That light? It will offend people who worship darkness.But that’s not your problem to solve.Your job is to shine responsibly—not shrink apologetically.

And St. Paul, our favorite recovering spiritual narcissist, wrote:

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but think with sober judgment…” (Romans 12:3)

That’s not saying don’t think highly of yourself.It’s saying: think clearly.Know your role. Know your value. And don’t fake false humility just to please people.

Spiritual Coaching Moment: Ego ≠ Arrogance

Let’s put it plainly:

Ego is…	Arrogance is…
Rooted in reality	Inflated by illusion
Says “I know my worth”	Says “I’m better than you”
Sets boundaries	Steamrolls others
Walks in dignity	Demands superiority

We need to stop equating confidence with sin.You can be humble and still say: "Actually, I'm good at this."You can be holy and still say: "I’m not tolerating that anymore."

Holy Boundaries Are Not Ego Trips

When Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”he assumed you were loving yourself to begin with.

If you’re always pouring out and never replenishing,if you’re always saying yes and never telling the truth,if you’re accepting crumbs and calling it communion...

That’s not sacrifice.That’s slow spiritual erosion.

And beloved—Christ didn’t die so you could become palatable.

Final Benediction

If your clarity offends people, so be it.If your standards scare them off, they weren’t your people.If your ego is what keeps you from betraying yourself one more time—thank God.

Let them say, “You’ve changed.”Let them whisper, “You’ve got an ego now.”

You just smile and say:“I finally know who I am. That’s called resurrection.”

Sources Cited

Bible. (2022). New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition (NRSVue). National Council of Churches. https://bible.nccusa.org/nrsvue

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.

hooks, b. (2000). All about love: New visions. William Morrow.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Nouwen, H. J. M. (1975). Reaching out: The three movements of the spiritual life. Doubleday.

Rohr, R. (1999). Everything belongs: The gift of contemplative prayer. Crossroad Publishing Company.

Volf, M. (2005). Free of charge: Giving and forgiving in a culture stripped of grace. Zondervan.

Young-Eisendrath, P. (2008). The self-esteem trap: Raising confident and compassionate kids in an age of self-importance. Little, Brown.